Turns out, self-employed people actually make less money than wage earners. This will make even millennials feel old. Research out of New Zealand suggests that, regardless of your political ideology, the more news you consume, the more Islamophobic you are.
And how to train them otherwise. Researchers have found that scheduling leisure activities makes us enjoy them less. Think being mean makes you an effective boss? Good luck. Now you can get blitzed without blacking out, according to some hard-drinking biohackers. Turns out that might be up for debate. Being the cheatee myself allowed me to understand the impossibility, and ultimate stupidity, of perfect fidelity.
It allowed me to re-conceptualize monogamy as an outdated Victorian construct, and it allowed me to forgive myself for my indiscretions too: whether a brushed arm in a coffee shop or a particularly X-rated thought about the guy who walks the stately hound past our house every morning. And so what do we do with these desires?
If everyone has these urges, why is cheating still seen as the ultimate betrayal? If looked at as a form of self-knowledge, despite it being bad and disrespectful, cheating carries lessons as every mistake does.
After each instance of cheating, both of my relationships underwent emotional makeovers. One ended, eventually, for a different reason.
And one I am still in today, six years on, even if this moment in our history very rarely comes up. When you first fall in love with someone, you might experience passion, excitement, and rushes of dopamine from simply getting a text from them.
But the intensity of these feelings usually fades over time. Sure, stable, lasting love exists. But those first-date butterflies will only take you so far.
This can make it harder to leave a relationship that still provides a sense of family, friendship, stability, and safety. But staying in a relationship without romantic love may lead to a desire to experience love again and motivate infidelity. Simply having an opportunity to cheat can make infidelity more likely. Other factors often but not always add to the motivation to cheat. You might not choose to cheat if only one or two factors were involved. But this combination of motivating factors — the distance in your relationship, your feelings about your appearance, the attention of your coworker — can make infidelity more likely.
People who have a hard time with commitment may be more likely to cheat in some cases. In this case, one partner might end up cheating as a way of avoiding commitment, even if they actually would prefer to stay in the relationship. Many people choose to stay in the relationship, often hoping things will improve, especially if the relationship is otherwise fulfilling. This can provide motivation to get those needs met elsewhere. Unmet emotional needs can also motivate infidelity.
Emotional infidelity can be tricky to define, but it generally refers to a situation where someone invest a lot of emotional energy in someone besides their partner. This can lead to an intimate connection that resembles a relationship.
A simple desire to have sex can motivate some people to cheat. I felt really trapped. When another man approached her, Gloria acted on her attraction. This kind of story is common—and often the easiest to swallow for people who renounce adultery of any kind. But Marin says that cheating is almost never this cut-and-dry. Instead, the person cheating is dealing with issues in their relationship with themselves. And so they look for an affair to fill some missing gap, fill some hole, help them figure out something going on within themselves.
There may not be an issue in their relationship with their partner at all. But then an opportunity presents itself—an out-of-town trip; someone new is attracted to them—and things happen without any pre-planning or malice aforethought.
Cheating is not only a violation of trust, but also a betrayal of values.
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